by Amanda Smithson
Have you ever thought about how great it is to be alive? Think about all the great stuff we have that our parents and grandparents didnt . Im not talking about the big things like cable television, indoor plumbing and chili cheese Fritos, Im talking about those little things that make our lives just a tad bit (insert sigh here) nicer. Everyone knows what Im talking about, its that Gatorade bottle with the ergonomic twisty top that makes you just say, “Im glad to be alive.”It is my great love of life that has prompted me to clue all of you, my fellow people who are alive right now,into a few of the inventions that make me most happy.First of all, I would like to tell you all about the best beer in the history of the world, the beerlette. A beerlette is a regular beer that is put into a smaller bottle to be cute. I prefer the Miller Light beerlette but I have also seen the Coors Light beerlette and how could I ever forget the Mickeys malt Liquerette.Now some of you might think that putting it in the smaller bottle does not enhance the taste at all, to you I say, yeah youre right, but its not the flavor which is enhanced but the experience. Drinking a beerlette makes you feel like a giant. Just pretend that the beer is the regular size and that you are huge. Then stomp around. Its real fun. Beerlettes are also the perfect size to accompany a meal. They provide just enough fermented goodness to quench your thirst while eating nachos, franks and beans, tacos or franks and bean nacho tacos. Probably the biggest selling point of the beerlette is that its just dang cute. They are small tiny and sing, “Oh we are so cute, we are so cute drink us all up, we are so cute.”Another great invention of our time is something that all the ladies out there will appreciate, and some men too. Im referring to lip-gloss. It smells good, it makes you feel good and most importantly it keeps your lip from chapping, the fear of which keeps me up at night with worry. There are hundreds of varieties of lip-gloss out there on the shelves and for the most part it is reasonably priced. That means you can buy a lot and still afford to eat. You can get tinted, sparkly or clear varieties in all sorts of flavors like cherry, watermelon, pink lemonade, root beer and my personal favorite, wax. Men have lip-gloss too, they call it balm though and it usually comes in a little pot and looks like earwax.If we are talking about great stuff that makes our lives better, how can I not mention puppies? They are also cute as well as loyal, snuggly, funny, sweet and a great companion. I dont have a dog personally because they are not allowed in my apartment complex and my mom said no. She got me a robotic dog named Techno that barks, snores, passes gas and plays LaCocaracha. I like it but it just isnt the same as a real dog. I often go to the park and watch other people with their dogs and pretend that they belong to me. Sometimes the owners get mad when I run up to them and grab the dogs and rub them against my face but no has pressed charges or anything. As soon as I graduate and get a job you better believe Im going going to get a dog and name it Big Daddy and make it wear a bow around its neck. On Christmas morning, Im put ting Big Daddy in a box and unwrapping him with the glee of a small child. I know that puppies have been around for a while and were not invented in our lifetime, but who cares, theyre puppies. The last great invention of our time is math. Wait, never mind, math is real hard and I dont like it.Yes, we do truly live in a great time. There are so many new and exciting inventions being developed as you are reading this right now. Can you imagine the great stuff our children are going to have when they are our age? Oh man, I cant wait.