“Snakes” slithers without any shame

Upon my voyage to the very classy Movie Tavern I found myself in a state of uncertainty. I ate my delicious chicken tenders wondering if paying four dollars for a matinee showing of “Snakes on a Plane” was the best way to spend my money. I watched as pure disorder unfolded. I watched with a massive smile.

“Snakes on a Plane” is about an FBI agent who must escort a key murder witness to Los Angeles to testify on the stand so that a crime boss can be put behind bars. The carnage ensues when the passengers discover that there are serpents lurking in the crevices of they plane. Samuel Jackson plays the FBI agent that is in charge of making sure that Sean Jones (the witness) makes it to trial. Once the mobsters discover the FBI’s plan they plant snakes on the airplane. Snakes generally only attack when threatened, so the mobsters ventilated pheromones through the air ducts to drive the snakes insane. Once the Chaos commences the flight is already half way to L.A. and has no choice but to go on.

The movie has an insane array of characters that all are so blatant in personality that you have no choice to laugh at their differences. Flex Alexander plays a rapper that has a phobia of being touched by anything and constantly feels compelled to apply disinfectant on his hands after interacting with fans and just life in general. Rachael Blanchard plays a happy-go-lucky character that carries her small dog in her handbag. This movie is simply ridiculous. Not the ridiculous where you cannot take it; it is the ridiculous where you just cannot believe it is really happening. There are snakes on a plane. I was forced to endure a rollercoaster of emotions that should never be felt in one sitting. I watched in delightful horror as snakes lunged at jugulars. I slightly sympathized with the young boy who gets bitten. I had a strong desire to see everyone find love in the face of danger. I laughed at anything that appeared to be even remotely appealing to my five senses. It provokes an awkward fear in the fact that snakes are lunging into people’s necks, eyes, nipples and even genitals. You are not sure whether you should laugh or pray that there are never snakes on your plane.

The movie clearly is not supposed to be taken as Oscar potential, so do not take it as that. This is the type of movie where you can go and relax. You will laugh from crying, or you will just cry because there is someone out there capable of writing a movie like this.

It has comedy, unsavory romance provoked in the height of danger, sex (although the scene became uncomfortably long) and Samuel Jackson. The entire movie was an anxious ride. Everyone waited for him to say that blurt of profanity in the height of anger like no one else can. The question is; does he say it? It looks like you are just going to have to see if he says [expletive deleted] for yourself, because I am not saying a (explitave deleted) thing.

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