The art of war…

Day by day, we carry on our lives as normally as we see fit. Go to school. Go to work. Eat, sleep, bathroom. We think we are safe, but every time we step onto campus grounds we become a target- an unsuspecting walking bulls-eye. The minute we step into enemy territory, the game is on and there is no turning back.

In this case, enemy territory exists as each and every designated parking area. The enemy? Ourselves.

Everyone knows what I’m talking about. It’s the only way to find a decent parking space. You drive around for hours looking for somewhere to leave your vehicle for the day. The only way to actually find a spot is to stalk someone- catch them on the way back to their car. What ensues is a battle for your livelihood. It is a philosophy that students will never forget. It’s the Art of War.

The first rule in this war: there are no rules. A beginner will learn this quickly. In order to win, a driver must find its prey- simple as that. Let’s pretend you’ve become a proverbial victim.

First of all, there is no chance in hell you’re going to escape. A sniper eyes are well trained. Once you notice that red Mazda slowly creeping behind you, there is no turning back. Things get especially interesting when the blue Ford pickup truck to your right discovers your route. By this time it is all out war.

You’ll weave in and out of the rows of cars. A slight bead of sweat might travel down your neck. Your breathing will quicken and your heart will appear to be beating out of your chest. They are after you- both of them. They’re following, turning, hitting the gas and breaking uncontrollably to avoid confrontation with the enemy.

The driver of the Mazda is well trained. With four years, more than 20 months of instruction, he could spot a quarry from miles away. Once he’s locked in on you, he will stop at nothing for the kill. The driver of the Ford is a novice soldier. But with only weeks of training, she has already caught on to the art of war. Inexperienced? Yes- but determined. She has a lot to prove.

Never in your life has someone stalked you like this. You are a game- a conquest. Those around you have clear orders: divide and conquer. Divide you, from everyone else, and conquer your spot before someone else discovers your weakness. You spot your car. You get in and prepare to pull out, but the battle rages behind you.

The Mazda is face to face with the Ford now. Who will get it? How will this crusade turn out? Hands tighten on the steering wheel. Mandibles feel as if they are going to explode from the pressure

It shouldn’t be like this. Each day, each minute of the day, there are hundreds of students on the verge of heart attacks playing this game of war. You thought you were safe. You thought you were above meticulously stalking a fellow classmate and wishing other’s destruction just to find a parking spot five seconds before class. And you sure never thought you’d become a pawn in someone’s little game every time you leave campus for the day. No one is safe.

We need better parking facilities. This madness must stop.

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