Epic Movie’ a waste of popcorn

With over 80 years of cinematic glory to choose from, the creators of “Epic Movie” reached back less than four to find the movies they considered worth parody. “Pirates of the Caribbean,” “Superman Returns” and “X-Men” are a few of the movies chosen for lampooning in this feature and by the end of it I was glad they ruined those films instead of the truly classic movies from Hollywood history.

“Epic Movie” loosely follows “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” for its main plot and throws in other movie references whenever it sees fit to advance the story. As impossible as this might sound, the story basically follows four siblings who are brought together because of Willy Wonka’s golden tickets and somehow stumble into “Gnarnia,” used for “licensing reasons.”

Once in “Gnarnia” the family must defeat the evil queen for many unspecified reasons and for the next half of the movie the viewer is treated to numerous MTV references. “Cribs” and “Punk’d” are the most obvious, while the rest come from the choice of soundtrack, which plays like an episode of “Total Request Live.” I am unable to find how referencing MTV makes a movie more epic but it did add the only redeeming scene of the movie, which is the Ashton Kutcher double getting a very worthy and deserved beat down.

Plot line aside, the movie almost refuses to generate laughs. Sitting in a half packed theatre, I noticed only a few chuckles and most of those seemed to be coming from the group of 10-year-olds that were more than happy to laugh at the fart and throw-up jokes forced on the screen. Every time the movie tried to spoof one its “epic” counterparts the jokes fell flat and I was left wondering if eight dollars of my hard-earned cash for ticket, nachos and a drink was ever going to be earned by this farce of a comedy.

It is a shame when quality, comedic actors such as Kal Penn (“National Lampoon’s Van Wilder” and “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle”) and Fred Willard (“Anchorman” and “Best in Show”) are reduced to movies of this nature. I honestly hope it was all for the paycheck, because I cannot see them thinking this was the breakthrough script for them.

In a complete slap to my face, once I returned home and checked the Internet I found “Epic Movie” to be America’s number one choice for the weekend with a haul of over $19 million. I guess the teenagers who were obviously the target of this movie were more than happy to beg mom and dad for the cash to view this film.

Honestly, it is very hard to sum this up. “Epic Movie” is anything but, and seeing it is most likely a huge waste of your time. Well, I guess it wasn’t that hard after all.

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