Tylenol-induced enlightenment

I just had the best weekend ever. When I say best weekend ever, I mean this of course by the college standard, where “best weekend ever” can mean only that I sat around and did absolutely nothing for 60 hours straight.

That’s right, I did nothing. I can justify this utter lack of activity by explaining that I was sick as a dog, apparently with what people are calling “walking pneumonia,” however accurate that is. All I had the energy to do for that few days of bliss was to crawl out of bed around noon, mosey into the living room, sit down on my worn-in loveseat with a couple of blankets already in place, and spend the rest of the day watching movies on television until it was time to go back to bed.

Over the weekend, I downed at least three bottles of that thick, blue Tylenol medicine, drank more bottled water than I care to remember and got all of my reading done for one of my classes. (I’ll leave that one open just in case any of my professors actually read my columns.) Other than that, that’s all I really accomplished, though I did learn a few things from my loveseat vantage point.

First of all, Matt Damon’s not that bad. Before this weekend, I would have laughed hysterically at the way people make fun of his name with a mentally challenged tone and implications of drool. However, after watching the Bourne Supremacy not once, but twice, in the same weekend, I have new faith in his ability as an actor. I mentioned already that I was on a lot of medication at the time.

Secondly, roommates are great. You give each other a lot of grief 97 percent of the time, but I know now that during the other times, you can always count on each other to lift heavy pillows, refill glasses of orange juice, and in my roommate’s case, stand by during a stint as a member of the Class of the Walking Dead.

Finally, when you’re as sick as I was, there is no such thing as too much ice cream. Even if you’re on a diet, they have this No Sugar Added stuff that is literally acceptable to devour by the pint. I know. I did it. And it made me feel that much better.

So to all you poor souls on campus that can feel your throats getting a little scratchy, maybe noticing your sinuses getting kind of puffy, don’t worry. If you get some antibiotics and drink a lot of fluids, you’ll be better in no time. And look on the bright side – maybe in your delusionary state, you’ll find a renewed respect for some forgotten Hollywood actor, too. There’s probably a Sigourney Weaver movie on TBS sometime this week.

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