I keep it real

“From eating popcorn in the comfort of her own home, to eating fruit-cocktail off of a prison floor. Brenda Rounds. Just another case of when ‘keeping it real’ goes wrong.” Dave Chappelle seems to think that the expression ‘keeping it real’ is very humorous, and I would agree that it is.

Any time I hear someone employ the oft used expression ‘I am, as real as it gets,’ I am immediately bewildered. It seems this expression is utilized to draw a distinct line between speaker and those who are “unreal.”

My experience dictates that, without variation, people have a tendency to be real. So, the expression is analogous to exclaiming at the top of a mountain, “I am in fact, a carbon based organism!”

From what I have gathered, “being real,” can be broken down to: presenting oneself the same in every and all social situations, not being affected by “the crowd,” and most importantly of all, disregarding any and all persons whom do not accept the “real you.” To be frank, these premises for being a “real person” are absurd, and cause me physical illness.

Any person who claims to present themselves the same in every social situation is one of two things. They are either lying to you (probably out of ignorance) or they possess a condition that forces them to be extremely socially awkward. Consider acting the same way around or towards your spouse, that you would your sibling.

It is my earnest hope that there is at least some differentiation between the interaction experienced between someone’s spouse/girlfriend and their pastor. That is unless, said person is married to the pastor, and then I shall further hope this person is not Catholic, for obvious reasons.

People vary the way they interact with people, based on whom they are interacting with. That is why the superior officer is saluted, and the parents assume (or should assume) the role of disciplinarian around their children, while being more lax around others. No one exists without being affected by “the crowd,” so for someone to claim they exist outside of external influence is a failure to employ reason.

Humans are fundamentally reactionary creatures, acquiring prejudices on a daily basis. From learning that the stove is hot by burning your hand, to blanketing a judgment across an entire ethnicity, these are all things we as a species either experience, or are taught. No one wakes up alone and naked in the jungle, and spontaneously decides to fashion a pair of pants to wear.

If you think you’re being “real” by not wearing a certain brand of clothing, is to disregard the fact that you are indeed, wearing clothing. Did you decide on your own to hide your nudity? I suppose you didn’t, so don’t boast your indifference to society.

I shall not waste many words on the final qualifier of a “real person.” It is by far the most contradictory. If you disregard someone for not respecting how “real” and unaffected you are, then you are similarly disregarding them.

Hopefully by now, you’ve made the connection that they too are real, and as a consequence, you have just disregarded someone just as real as you. At this point, you can either admit that everyone is just as “real” as you, or you should be forced by law to wear a shirt that says, “I am a real… jack [expletive deleted].”

So go around telling everyone just how real you are, because if you are reading this, than I’d wager you are. But not for a moment, should you consider that being real makes you any different than anyone else.

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