I don’t like to think of things that are out of my control.
Right now America’s fighting a war against Iraq. I find violence as a last resort sad in any case, but I am not in a position where I can stop it. Apparently KFC beats their chickens before preparing delicious food for me, but what I can I do about it? I am just one dude. Just one Bradley Matthew Seu Basker.
I had to come to the conclusion recently that, although I am altruistic in nature, I cannot save the entire world. I think I’ll leave that one to Jesus because I’d probably forget to save the world. I’ve been known to sleep through my alarm clock. I would be late for the apocalypse.
So what can I do? How can I do my part now?
I figured that I could be a superhero named Brasilio. My superpower would be to save you from your reality through editorials. Squirrels and “Dookie Monkeys” — you name I write it. I’d say the things that you think, but never would think of informing people about.
Like cold toilet seats. I hate cold toilet seats. There is nothing more unsettling than going to the bathroom on seat that’s negative 30 degrees. Why are they so cold? Is it really necessary? Every now and then I get lucky because I’ll find a seat that has been recently used. It bothers me that some dudes bum was there two minutes before mine, but it’s better than frostbitten booty.
While on the subjects of toilets, I’ve come to find that it bothers me when people are going “number two” next me. It’s so rancid to know that someone’s feces are right next to you. Some dudes even have the nerve to talk to me!
“Hey bro, what’s your major? What’s your classification?”
Really is that how we do it? That’s just not cool. I don’t need to make a friend while my posterior is going through an ice age. Unsavory.
Maybe toilet humors are not your fancy, but it’s all I have.
I am clearly not ready to rally the people. That’s unless we unite against cold toilet seats and Squirrel Revolutions, but I don’t see much sympathy for my cause.
So maybe I can petition for heated seats and extermination of campus vermin. I could go down as the guy who wanted to bring that warm feeling to your life. Maybe I could get a bathroom named after me.
That’d be sweetness on a Christmas morning.
I don’t think it will go down like that. Nowhere near in fact, but I guess if you got a laugh out of any of this then I did what I could for you.