Don’t Read: The ‘Disney Love’ Edition

I’m writing this for you. Yes, you. Maybe I know you well. Maybe I’ve just met you, but odds are I haven’t. This is my gift to you.

“Love” is overrated. It’s an unrealistic standard that is hopeless, harmful, and just downright dangerous to put on one’s proverbial pedestal.

If you stopped reading before the next sentence I’m about to type, then you’re probably going to forever think of that ‘guest column guy’ as the ultimate pessimist. But, on the contrary, I am optimistic that we can fix this societal blemish. Before I divulge my solution, we must address the root of the problem.

I blame it all on Disney. Our parents didn’t think twice about popping in a VHS of our favorite Disney flick, never once suspecting that the romantic story lines and themes would one-day shape who we would become. And what we would value.

Disney changed classic fairy tales to be more appealing to audiences, but by doing so, inveterately creating stencils of false information. The original “Mulan” story didn’t have Mulan marrying the general. Disney felt the story needed a little Hollywood glamorization, and added the romantic angle to the film. At the conclusion of “Mulan,” she saves China. But Disney didn’t feel that was an adequate climax. “Mulan,” which originally was a story of female empowerment, was transformed into a typical love story, where her ultimate accomplishment was marriage.

These values are being passed to the young, impressionable minds. Since Disney began to make movies, our perception of reality has been warped. Most Disney movies have love at first sight, as a center theme, which is a dangerous message to introduce to youngsters. Pocahontas and John Smith didn’t even speak the same language!

“Love” is portrayed as an instant, easy process that one is expected to experience within minutes of meeting an individual. Rarely do romantic interests actually get to know each other in these movies, which shows children that love is based on physical attraction and initial impression. Maybe I’m just a conspiracy theorist, but there’s something not right. More than 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce, and there has to be a common denominator.

I hate to go on a rant here, but we have incorrect notions of “love.” Maybe it’s because, as a person, we value instant gratification. We are all hopeless romantics that are looking for that spark or connection that makes this mess of an existence just a little clearer. And we’re so eager to find it that we don’t let common sense intervene.

Now, my solution to this epidemic of idiocy; since we’re all desensitized to “love,” we should all have to watch the movie “Closer” at least once a week. Yes, “Closer.” Yes, the feature film featuring Natalie Portman, Clive Owen, Julie Roberts and Jude Law. Since we’re all feeling the effects of romanticizing romance, we need a dose of reality. On the opposite end of the romantic spectrum, “Closer” is a figurative “kick in the balls.” It makes you want to not love anyone, ever. And this should balance out our warped little hearts.

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