No-Shave-November is fast approaching and love seems to be in the air. Love of testicular cancer awareness, that is.
I urge male students at Sam Houston State University, during the month of November, to participate in No-Shave-November for Testicular Cancer Awareness, known as NSNTCA. Take an otherwise useless month between summer vacation and winter break, and use it to promote a greater understanding of the dangers of testicular cancer.
Many programs call for donations, marathons or wearing specially designed T-shirts. NSNTCA asks only for an abstinence from the razor. Throughout the month of November, as you sit in class, enjoy a Thanksgiving feast or even as you fall asleep stroking your beard, be fully aware of the palpable threat testicular cancer presents. Starting Nov. 1, watch your face become thick with a new beard and reflect daily on the relevance of testicular cancer in our society as citizens, students and men.
In an average year, 8,000-9,000 men are diagnosed with testicular cancer in the United States. This cancer is most prevalent around men ages 15-40, covering the average age of a college student. The most effective treatment option is surgery in which the patient has a 95 percent chance to have the infected testicle removed.
With the help of students across campuses in the United States, NSNTCA can become one of the most important movements of our time.
The month of November 2007 has the potential to fall on the same list as important events like the Martin Luther’s 95 theses, the signing of the Declaration of Independence and the defeat of Hitler. Help free the world from the tyranny that testicular cancer imposes on young, fertile men. Grow your beard.
There are many excuses to not participate in NSNTCA. They are all, without exception, repugnant and immoral. The following list includes the most common cop-outs for failure to support Testicular Cancer Awareness:
Problem: Some places of employment require all employees to be clean-shaven.
Solution: Change your religious beliefs to one that necessitates abundant facial hair. Just a few possibilities include Eastern Orthodox, Sunni Islam, Rastafari and the list goes on. This will make any termination on the basis of ‘poorly maintained facial hair’ illegal.
Problem: Some men’s beards appear thin, patchy and horrendously unattractive.
Solution: Take heart, you will be laughed at, but you will not be alone. If you find me during the month of November, I will resemble that junior. high kid growing his pseudo beard in hopes of scoring beer at the corner liquor store.
Problem: Some girlfriends may show interest in joining in with the efforts of NSNTCA, thus raising very practical problems.
Solution: Lovingly explain that NSNTCA is applicable only to facial hair, thus (hopefully) preventing her from shaving abstinence. If her persistence becomes bothersome, dump her immediately.
Gentlemen of SHSU, I implore you: participate in NSNTCA and raise testicular cancer awareness. Ladies of SHSU, I also implore you: support our efforts in NSNTCA by complimenting us on our handsome beards and telling us how brave we are. Save money on razors and shaving cream. Resemble important bearded men like Chuck Norris, Jesus and Walt Whitman. Your refusal is a proverbial slap in the face of modern heroes like Lance Armstrong and Tom Green. Your compliance will usher in a new era of awareness for the least fatal cancer.