Unsanitary Conversations

Over the past few weeks, I have been taking a mental note of conversations that I’ve overhead while on campus. I think these quick glimpses show a lively student body trying to sort out their new lives in college. (Plus they made for good commentary by me.)

It sounds so impolite to say that I was being “nosey” or “spying” on others’ conversations. So, let’s just say that I had my ears open at all times.

And honestly, that is what happened for the most part. I found myself walking out of buildings to girls chattering, or I picked up random sections of conversations from guys hanging out as I made my way across campus.

I guess it is worth noting that I never stopped to finish hearing the tail end of the conversation, nor did I ever ask what I missed in order to figure out the full context of what parts I heard. Also, if you care to note, I don’t think I ever looked at any of these people so I have no clue about their true identity. I only know the words I heard.

So here is what I overheard, and for all it is worth, my comments about them.

“Was I just detained or arrested,” he asked a group of friends standing nearby.

I didn’t stick around to hear the answer, because either way you roll the dice, the answer wasn’t good. I can only determine one thing from this – the speaker was not a criminal justice major.

“You know how they say freshmen gain 15 lbs.?” she asked her friend, who nodded yes. “Well, I don’t see how because you walk everywhere,” she retorted. “Me, I lost weight!”

I can’t print the word all the girls are thinking right now; don’t worry, I thought it too.

“I didn’t even call her a whore!” he exclaimed to his pal loud enough for me to hear about 15 feet away.

Well, that is a good start for this knight-in-shining-armor. Let’s hope he’s not making a case for reasons why she should date him. I can picture her telling her father about him. “Well, daddy, he is in college, he dresses nicely, and oh, yeah! He didn’t even call me a whore!”

I’ll set this next one up for you because it has the potential to confuse readers. In fact, it confused me.

There were two girls (Girl #1 and Girl #2) walking side by side. They were approaching me head on, and I noticed that both of them were on their cell phones, yet neither of them was talking. As Girl #1 made a comment to the person on her phone, Girl #2 (who is still on her phone) asked Girl #1, “Where’s she at?” Then, Girl #1 and Girl #2 proceeded to have a brief conversation with each other while still holding the phone to their ears.

Are you confused? I certainly was. It takes a very intelligent pair of girls to pull this off successfully. However, I can see this throwing Emily Post or Mrs. Manners into convulsions. Hang up the phone!

To change it up, here is a conversation that I didn’t hear, but would have loved to.

I first noticed the roll of red duct tape hanging like a bracelet from this guy’s right arm. A second glance showed me that his mouth was covered with a piece of the red tape, locking his lips and silencing him. His shirt read “Choose Life,” and I think that somewhere on his backpack he had written the words “Silent For Life.”

I am not usually one to make stark statements like that for my beliefs, yet I admired this guy for doing that, or trying to do that. While looking at something in the campus store, I saw him gently removing the piece of the tape from his mouth just slightly enough so that he could whisper something to his friend. I would have loved to hear what was so important enough to break his demonstrative act.

Finally, I leave you with a conversation that I don’t want to hear – EVER.

And that is anything you have to say on your cell phone while in the bathroom. Nothing crawls under my skin more than hearing a girl talk on her cell phone while in the stall next to me. Like I already said above – hang up the phone! Talking on your cell phone while using the restroom is highly unsanitary and gross.

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