Thanksgiving came and went, and now the campus is full of bundled up Bearkats all in anti-anticipation of the assuredly grueling coursework that will be thrown in their face in these final weeks. I have this eerie feeling in my loins that somehow in the next two weeks I am going to do more work than I have done the entire semester. We are all going to have to study and work hard so that we can make that mad rush to pull our C’s to B’s and B’s to A’s.
I was very enthusiastic about studying and pulling off the best academic semester of my career until I read about Alex Rodriguez’s new contract. A-Rod negotiated a $275 Million, 10-year deal.
The real catch is that he gets $6 million for each additional slot that he moves up on the all time home run list. If he gets the number one spot he has the possibility of $305 million. Frank Lucas of American Gangster didn’t even have that much when he was busted for slinging white china! What the hell were our parents thinking? They should have been buying bats, gloves and hair gel!
Why should we focus on our studies for these next two weeks when we could be making hundreds of millions of dollars playing baseball or selling blue magic? It’s hard enough to focus when you have quarter nights every Tuesday, but now I have this sudden inspiration to revive my baseball career. I was a decent shortstop when I was eight, and if I start now, I calculate that I could land at least a 2 million dollar deal.
B-Rad and A-Rod, we could be the dynamic duo of baseball. It would be a marketers dream. The heart-throb, highest paid player and the more attractive-ex-journalist. We’d make millions just off of commercials.
But truth be told; sometimes I have to catch my breath when I walk up the stairs. I can’t even stick to a weekly running schedule let alone the strenuous nature of being a professional athlete.
I’ll just stick with being B-rad ? the journalist who reports about nothing. My baseball bat is going to stay in the trunk of my car until I have a serious case of road rage. Sorry, A-Rod. We would have been great.
And you shouldn’t sell drugs because people die and there usually is a big gun fight with Russell Crowe’s Special Task Force.
It’s not going to pay millions right now, but working hard these two weeks is a step in the right direction.