The “D-Sanchez” Edition

Dear America,In case you didn’t notice, there’s a presidential race afoot. And it’s kind of exciting considering the array of candidates; we’ve got a black man, a female and a geriatric. This has been the most unique potential-President situation in history. Followers of the Commander-in-chief contenders can obviously make monetary contributions, but these nominees have given a means of alternative offerings. Supporters of John McCain actually have the option of donating the traditional way, by cash or check, or Depends. Hilary Clinton’s enthusiasts can give cigars, or eHarmony credits. And Barack backers can give him just money, mostly because I couldn’t think of something remotely funny to say about him.Pretty soon, the time is going to come to elect the 44th president of the United States, and I have a feeling we’re really going to mess this up. Forgive me for my cynicism, but we’re the same nation that’s given Soulja Boy a music career, Larry the Cable Guy a comedy career and Chris Crocker his 15 minutes of fame. We aren’t exactly the best judges of characters.This being said, I think most voters, like myself, are uninformed and therefore dangerous to the democracy. I think we need a new collection scheme. Maybe it’s based purely on nostalgia, but I’m leaning towards the Magic 8-Ball. Think about it. We would just be leaving it for God to decide, if he felt the issue was pressing enough to perform divine intervention and possess a child’s toy. The idea is weird enough for the liberals, and the conservatives would totally eat the God angle up.We could actually take this a step further and just have the Magic 8-Ball be the president. At least that way we know that we’ve got a 50/50 chance of being satisfied with policies, which would be a monumental improvement from the 30% approval rating George Bush currently sports. So lets start the revolution. Vote by flipping a coin. It would be a statistical revolution obviously, because the last time we made conscious decision and elected someone, we ended up getting it all wrong. So this time, let’s exercise our right to vote, without all that decision-making nonsense. Leave it to your God, or just luck.

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