The Ordinary Life of… Bryan

Headlines of the week: “Halle Berry reveals her daughter’s name,” and “Man gunned down in his home, but he wasn’t famous so it doesn’t really matter.” The latter headline was a total lie, but the former was considered breaking news. I am consistently appalled by the media’s dedication to the “celebrity lifestyle.”

Roger Clemens may have used steroids, Britney Spears pulls through with $1,500 a week and the Olsen twins still weigh no more than 200 pounds total. It hurts my mind to think that this is considered news, if for no other reason than that I didn’t capitalize on this market. I knew kids in high school who did steroids. I’m sure I could find someone who makes $1,500 a week and sings better than Britney. Anyone could go to McDonald’s and find a 12-year-old who weighs more than 200 pounds.

When celebrities accomplish the simplest tasks, we are in awe of their greatness. The world stops when Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt conceive a child together. The last time I checked, conception is a fairly regular occurrence on this earth. The sun is blotted out when she actually delivers that child. That delivery of a child is a less frequent occurrence.

What is worse than this amazement of the ordinary is the way it is presented. Celebrities exchange wedding vows like I exchange greetings. Their children are shown off like a new purse. Names for these children are either picked from a Dungeons and Dragons manual or taken from a game of drunken Scrabble. The word trendy describes pregnancy the way it used to describe Swatches and bell-bottoms (which are coming back, by the way).

Bill Clinton was unfaithful to his wife when he was in office. Why did that get the media attention that it did? Husbands and wives are unfaithful to one another all of the time. I think it is more shocking that their marriage survived, when some end over pornography. Their marriage’s continuation should receive more media attention. I always asked: how did the scandal negatively impact his ability to run a country? Has President Bush’s integrity aided him in office?

It is sad this topic has to be addressed. What is sadder, is that every time I turn on MTV or VH1, I am forced to watch the Fabulous Life, or a Nickleback video. Celebrities and their media attention are not entities that exist in and of themselves. The reason I have to hear about how much money so-and-so made or hear “You Remind Me” another time is because enough other people watch it. I blame you America. It’s your fault that Hinder and Simon Cowell are famous.

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