Ask Kat and Dan: Advice for students from students

Dear Kat and Dan,I’m in a long distance relationship right now. My girlfriend signs her emails, “Don’t talk to girls.” Is she being too possessive of me, or am I too flirtatious?Sincerely, Possession Problems

Dear Possession Problems,Relationships, especially long-distance ones, require an insane amount of trust. I would make the argument that most relationships end on the premise that one person can’t trust the other. And if one partner is having an issue with insecurity issues, then it’s only a matter of time until this manifests itself into more serious matters. It isn’t going to go away. This email is only the tip of the iceberg. There will be blood, so to speak. All you can do is comfort your significant other and assure of how you feel. But ultimately, this is an issue that someone has to come to terms with themselves. You can’t force trust. You can definitely be a positive contributor to her idea of trust, but she’s the only one that can fix this. And until she does, don’t expect this to get any better. Just be patient and understanding. But know that if she doesn’t come to trust you soon, you should definitely think about ending this relationship.

Sincerely, Dan

Dear Possession Problems,Sounds to me like there is a bit of both her being possessive and you being flirty that contributes to her signature in e-mails. Although I don’t know you on a personal level, I would have to say that she might have some grounds for being possessive. Since you asked if you are flirtatious, then I would have to say you are slightly cocky and most likely sub-consciously flirting. But seriously, she can’t prevent you from talking to girls. It’s your life, talk to whom you want, this is America, hello, free country.

However, in your defense, some people cannot help but appear to be flirting. If you have an outgoing personality you have the ability to talk to anyone and that can be perceived as flirtation. As for your girlfriend, she needs to lighten up just a bit; that is, unless you are being all touchy feely on other girls. Plus, with any long distance relationship there is the whole thought of who are they really with, what are they doing. Jealousy is a very hard issue to deal with in any relationship, especially in a long distance one. You need to talk to her and explain to her that she needs to trust you, and likewise, for you to trust her.

Good luck, Kat

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