Mad Brad: My First Time

The new year always brings the promise of change in our lives. Many of us make resolutions to ourselves, ways that we can do better than we did in the past, and sometimes we promise to try new things on for a change.

I haven’t made many resolutions per se, but I have dared to try new things.

I want to tell you about my first time. I want you to know the pleasures that I have experienced.

I want you to know that I now use a loofah when I shower.

The loss of my loofah virginity happened completely by accident. I needed to shower at my fathers house, and there were no clean washrags. The only thing I could use was this silly bright orange apparatus that hung aimlessly from the faucet. I grabbed the Bearkat-orange loofah, applied some Axe, and began to lather.

My body became consumed immediately in an aura of suds that seemed never ending. They multiplied until I was consumed by their slippery savor. I felt like mini angels were individually cleansing my pores with their mini brushes with golden handles.

Once I was done, I stared in the mirror, thinking about what I had just experienced. I will never forget my first time.

After that I was forced to use washrags because I had yet to purchase my own loofah.

Every time I showered I felt like I was cheating on my wife, and I could only think of my true love when we were together. My decision was clear.

The loofah is the only one for me. Nothing has made me feel like it did, and nothing can keep me cleaner. I feel cleaner just writing about it.

After extensive research I found that the benefits of a loofah are not limited too physical pleasure. A five-minute conversation enlightens me to the fact that loofahs regenerate dead skin cells, leave your skin healthy and glowing and keep women pretty.

I have converted to 100 % loofah use and am spreading my “loofah love” to the world.

I don’t hate those who use washrags. I do however believe that those who don’t use loofahs are less clean, which makes them unsavory in the area of self-sanitation.

It’s a new year and we have to start off right. We must exfoliate.

Be a better human being. Love loofah.

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