Mad Brad: Frozen Yogurt, it’s not you – it’s me.

My weekend routines have become personally legendary over the past couple of years. I return to Houston to attend my church, and while this is my main reasoning I have found other things to occupy my time.

If I am not at church I can be found carousing the southside of Houston exploding with inspiration in cafs and diners. Normally I end up at Caf Brasil in the serenity of my writing, and find solace in the occasional productive conversation.

However, this past weekend my mind was blown as my “caf-olic” religion was interrupted by a blind date with frozen yogurt.

I was going to catch up with an old high school flame, but she had to work at the Berripop frozen yogurt shop all night. She told me that the yogurt was amazing and that I should just stop by to see her. I haven’t been a fan of yogurt since my uncanny obsession with La Crme in the spring of 2004 and I had always thought that frozen yogurt was supposed to be awkward ice cream.

I entered the shop right before eight o’clock and was blinded by an array of brilliant neon colored walls, while being greeted by my friend.

She provided samples of four types of yogurt and none of them tasted like ice cream. Then she showed me that I could customize my yogurt with a multitude of toppings that I would never think to put on yogurt. There was everything from chocolate chunk to Fruity Pebbles.

I was then informed that Berripop shops offered free Wi-Fi. Before I knew it I was stalking on Facebook, writing poetry, listening to Israeli hip group Hadag Nachash and eating my acai berry frozen yogurt with “marshmallowish” toppings. They looked like marshmallows but didn’t really have a taste.

I had never felt so pleasant being uncomfortable in my life.

Because of the texture of the yogurt I anticipated an ice cream-like taste before every bite, and was never prepared for the fruity savor that shocked my taste buds. I ate a whole cup and was never prepared for the taste. It was overwhelmingly flavorful. I felt like I was dating a girl who wanted to get married after a week.

I just am not ready for that commitment. We should slow down.

To further my surprise there was an almost consistent line of customers who all knew what they wanted off the top of their heads. They ordered and left, while I sat there for two hours trying to decide if I had the courage to say that I enjoyed it.

It’s obvious that I have commitment issues. I think that frozen yogurt and I just need some time to talk it out. I’m interested, but I just don’t want to get hurt again.

Leave a Reply