The Netflix Moocher Apocalypse

Netflix moochers are real, and the disease that causes them to become moochers is spreading at an alarming rate. The mooching of the online streaming service did not pose any substantial threat until recently, and those affected by the sickness are starting to pop up like zits on photo day.

To really understand how this pandemic began, we must go back to the beginning. First it was VHS which, progressed into DVDs and eventually Blu-Rays. Owning movie and TV series is a celebrated feat that allows us to enjoy our favorite episodes and cinema moments over and over.

Then in 1997, a miracle occurred with the conception and release of Netflix, an online streaming service that would hold all of your most treasured movies in one neatly presented package. Including movies, documentaries, TV programs and even original content, the Netflix library grew exponentially.

Fast forward to the age of iPhones, tablets, phablets and Google fiber and we have an unstoppable generation of youth who are constantly connected and plugged in allowing for immediate streaming onto a host of devices.

With the short history of Netflix out of the way, we can now address the cause of mooching. As the cost of living increases and we as college students run out of money, we have to look for alternative ways to stay on top of movies and TV shows.

Enter Netflix. It’s cheaper and more readily available than old-school cable and most people you know have an account. The complication begins after we start sharing our account logins and passwords with family, friends and significant others.

Sharing with family is not the issue but when friends or lovers get involved the disease takes over quickly and people become rabid over the newest season of “Orange is the New Black.”

Phase one is the initial transfer of account information. The people receiving said information become immediately attached to you like leeches. Unfortunately for you, the transfer only has to occur once and you are stuck forever.

Phase two is pseudo porn flicks and early seasons of “Yo Gabba Gabba” clogging up your queue and suggested items to watch. Frantically wondering where these came from, you start reexamining your late night watching choices until you realize that the moocher has already been infected and the disease has spread too far to be reversed.

The third and final phase is the worst. Once the disease has taken a strong hold over the moocher, it’s almost impossible to detach yourself from them. Changing your password will not work as they are extremely cunning and coax it out of you.

And breaking up with a moocher can have detrimental effects on their health and well-being. They will become unpredictable and desperate as their source of entertainment has now been cut off. The only thing you can do is change your name, email, passwords and dye your hair or invest in a really good wig. Going into hiding will not be easy, but Netflix moochers are everywhere. The illness is continually spreading faster than any known cure can be applied.

My advice to you is to be careful who you transfer your information to and screen everyone in your immediate circle. But be warned, they may already be infected. Happy marathoning.

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