A students guide on how to get an A

At the beginning of the semester, I wanted to pass all my classes with flying colors. I was completely devoted to making straight A’s, studying for at least an hour every night and just in general doing well in all of my classes. At this point in the semester, that has all changed. Sure, I still want to do well in all of my classes, but “C’s get degrees” has become a saying that I have grown quite found of. However, C’s are mediocre, and I am not. So the problem then becomes, how do I make it through the semester and salvage my grade?

Extra Credit: Your professors always say that they never offer extra credit because this is college and they are trying to prepare you for the real world. In the real world, if you screw up, you will not get a second chance. Therefore, no extra credit. That is the biggest pile of BS I have ever heard. If you are persistent enough, your teacher will give you extra credit. Just ask, and keep asking. Ask until he or she is so annoyed by your asking that they cave and assign some sort of extra credit. Or, have your entire class bombard your professor all at the same time. At that point, the extra credit is bound to show up.

Bribery: The saying goes “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.” So find the thing your professor loves most and gift it to them, maybe even multiple times throughout the semester. It is sure to put them in a good mood, which in turn, is good for you. The better mood your professor is in, the better your grade will be.

Pull a “Clueless”: Honestly, if your teacher is getting some, the world is a better place. As you are working with a small amount of time, you are going to have to work rather quickly. Find someone intellectual, attractive and mature that is willing to put time into their relationship. If your mom or dad would date said person then they most likely will be a good match for you professor… Or you could find someone who is looking for a quick hit and quit it. I guess it just depends on the situation and what the circumstances call for. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

If all else fails, there are office hours for a reason, but this is more of a last resort kind of thing. These things always end up messy and should only be used in dire situations. Ladies, wear something low cut that is sure to emphasize all of your ASSests (work it, girl!). Guys, pull out those skinny jeans and muscle shirts.

Haha just kidding. But in all seriousness, work as hard as you can and finish off the semester strong. If you have screwed up beyond repair, then beg your professors for extra credit or some sort of redemption in order to bring up your average to at least passing. Good luck on your finals, Bearkats. May the odds be ever in your favor.

There are 2 comments

  1. Unimpressed Reader

    Wow, this article is a bad. It is a weak attempt at humor and not funny at all. Also, the word "students" in the title should be possessive and the word "assets" is misspelled in the article. The author claims in the first paragraph that she is not mediocre, but this articles indicates she is. The same can be said for The Houstonian for letting this piece be published, especially without a proper proofreading. As a constructive comment, the newspaper and author both need to work on acquiring the "assets" for quality journalism.

    1. richard lee

      Also it's "May the odds be ever in YOUR favor." Effie would be really disappointed.

      Doesn't anyone proofread or copyedit over there?

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