50 Shades of what did I just watch?

Ever since they announced that “50 Shades of Grey” was being made into a movie, I was pretty excited. And I was ecstatic when I found out that Jamie Dornan was playing the role of the mysterious and misunderstood Christian Grey. Being that he is one of my favorite actors, I expected a more than stellar performance. I did not really care for who they picked to play Anastasia because Grey and his tortured past are the real stars of the show. However, after viewing all the commercials for the movie, I changed my mind as to whether or not this was going to be as amazing as I wanted it to be.

Let us go back to the cast selection for a moment. Even though I do not really care for her or her role, Dakota Johnson did amazingly well in the movie. She has just enough of that charm that reeks ‘Ana’ Steele – clumsy, uncoordinated and clueless. I admire her attempt to embody the ungraceful character. In fact, it shows real commitment to the role. Can we take a minute to appreciate Johnson’s attempt at dancing? After watching what she considered to be dancing, I feel much better about all the dancing that has taken place in my own drunken state.

Moving on, Dornan’s character should have been played by Ian Somerhalder. He is the tall brunette that is easy on the eyes from “The Vampire Diaries” and would have made the perfect Christian Grey. But I suppose Jamie will do. I first discovered Dornan on one of my favorite shows “Once Upon a Time” where he delivered a wonderful performance throughout the few episodes he appeared in. So naturally I was expecting the same spectacular performance in “50 Shades.” However, I found his performance to be more on the awkward side. Rather than the dialogue flowing smoothly between the two characters, it seems that Dornan was perhaps nervous most of the time. I cannot seem to put my finger on what it is exactly that bothers me about his performance, but there was definitely something lacking.

And like Johnson’s character, I do not care for the other cast members. They did not make a huge impression which is why they are easy to ignore. None of them were what I pictured in my head. Christian’s mother, played by Marcia Gay Harden, surprised me most of all. It was like she was British, but did a terrible job hiding her accent. And where was Rita Ora during all of this? She made a short appearance as she descended the massive stairwell of the Grey household and delivered her one line in the entire movie. Oh wait, she did deliver another line in French if that even counts. “Bonjor to you, and you and you.”

As for sticking to the plot of the book, I think the movie did a pretty good job considering that movie versions are never as good as the book. There were a few scenes that I would have liked to have seen included but were not included. In the end, the producers did a pretty good job picking and choosing the scenes to include.

Now for the juicy stuff. I get that there is only so much that can be shown in theatres, and it is not like I was expecting porn or anything, but I thought it was seriously lacking. In the books, Ana and Christian are practically sexing in every chapter. Sometimes they are at it multiple times within one chapter. So because of that, I was expecting more than what was shown. Also, there is the whole BDSM thing to take into consideration. I felt that the movie did a terrible job emphasizing how important this is to Christian. The movie did not really explain what a BDSM relationship is like.

And what about that ending? I was expecting more of a throw down between the two characters. Instead we got an awkwardly staged one-sided yelling match. It could have definitely been portrayed a whole lot better. It was cut short and left me unsatisfied – all puns intended. Honestly, the best part about the entire movie is the soundtrack. From The Weekend and Ellie Goulding to new remixes of Beyoncé, there is a wide variety of music that anyone can enjoy.

Based on the commercials I saw before watching the movie I would have said that the movie was going to be a big pile of crap. However, I can now say that it was not as terrible as I thought it was going to be. Did it meet my expectations? No, not at all. It was not as horrific as I thought it would be.