The Octogenarian: The Great SHSU Tempest in a Tea-Pot

Something that always makes me nervous is when some person or group pretends to defend my right to free speech by restricting the free speech of some other person or group.

I have in my lifetime placed my physical being in danger and actually shed my blood based on the fanatical belief that I have in that greatest of documents, the Constitution of the United States. I have stood for the right to free speech for groups to which I would not belong as diverse as the KKK, NAACP, SNCC, PLO, more than one Christian Exclusive groups and more.

And now, here we are in 2015, and I am to be protected again here on the Sam Houston State University campus from the threat posed to me by the speech and sexual harassment of our campus religious hecklers, primarily Brother Jed and Sister Pat. Of course, if the misguided Student Government Association should succeed in this misguided effort than that of course sets the basis for the removal of every religious group from our campus which would certainly empty out the area around the quad.

I therefore sentence the SGA members who voted for this to an extra semester in the classroom studying the First Amendment at least.

After reading of their idea, I pondered the sexual harassment aspect of their accusation in great depth and determined the following: after listening carefully to Sister Pat’s preaching on more than one occasion directed at me and those around me, I approached Sister Pat and taking her frail hand in mine while looking her in the eye I said “Sister, I do not believe in all that you are saying but I greatly admire the perseverance and tenacity that you exhibit in the face of some of the adversity shown here and I wish you god speed in your continuing effort.” In return for my message, Sister Pat looked me in the eye and said, sincerely, “You’re going to hell!”

I have since pondered this exchange, and in light of the SGA action, thought about how the female person talking to me, a male, might be construed as sexual harassment and it came to me.

In the late 1930s, I started to become conscious of the female human as a creature whose companionship could bring me great comfort in many forms, some of which I could not yet imagine in 1939. Over the decades, I have been blessed with all types of this feminine blessing from a number of members of the fairer sex, and at times these relationships have ended with my partner wishing for my quick and early demise, only not so politely. All too often, their desire for my immediate expiration, from most, including at least one ex-wife, was that I proceed on this journey into eternity hand in hand with Sister Pat’s acquaintance, Lucifer. Admittedly, many of these ladies were justified in their desire.

However, if this constitutes sexual harassment, then I have decades of back claims to file.

So cool it SGA, do not tarnish all the great work you have been doing by joining the petty of the world. Recognize the visit of Brother Jed and the effervescent Sister Pat to our campus for what it is: a source of priceless entertainment.


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