I Got You Girl: Surviving finals after a semester of neglect

Finals are here, but do not sweat it girl, I got you.

If you are anything like me, you did not know finals week was next week because you have procrastinated the entire semester and now find yourself teetering on your last leg for redemption. But am I worried? No because for us gals who’s lives thrive on taking the phrase “winging it” to an unhealthy level, finals are simply another riveting spike in blood pressure.

So here is how I find time to work 35 hours a week, have gallons of fun in my spare time and still pass my classes with somewhat decent grades.

I basically do not study all semester. Why would I spend three and a half months studying when I could cover all the highlights six hours before my final?

I start my night on my way home from work around 10:30 or 11 p.m. and stop at Starbucks for one or two of the heaven sent Undertow. Now, for those of you who are basic and only order frappuccinos off the menu, you will not find your savior there. The Undertow is an off menu secret, consisting of three pumps of your choice of syrup with a splash of milk at the bottom of your cup and two shots of yummy espresso floating on top. Take it in one big gulp. Now that I feel like I have been running in circles and am ready to puke, I try to begin my work immediately. Pick and choose which classes you are in desperate need of redemption in and which you have some wiggle room to wing it.

Break your six-hour streak into increments. Spend three or four hours gathering your information and making yourself a review. Flash cards are helpful but if pressed for time, a notebook full of your carefully selected highlights will do. This usually puts me around 3 a.m., although I will go till later if I am feeling on a roll or if I am simply in a manic, over espresso’d state.

But lack of sleep takes its toll. I find that in the wee hours of the morning my brain stops working ideally and what would normally take me 20 minutes takes me several hours. You need sleep to function and to recall what you spent the past three or four hours cramming into your head, so take a much needed nap for three hours and then begin reviewing.

On my way to class, what do I get? Not scantrons or pencils but yet another Undertow because I am like a bear in hibernation most of the year and it takes a village to get me up and running. No need to waste 30 cents on scantrons, the Parents Association has your back, they will be giving away free scantrons in front of the fountain. If you are socially inept like me, you can sneak into the Student Legal Services office on the third floor of the Lowman Student Center and quietly take some free without dreaded eye contact or inspirational encouragement.

Show up to your final at the absolute last minute and sit down as calmly as one can on that many rounds of espresso. Throw the dice as you gamble your life away because you were too lazy to study all semester.


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