I care too much for others. It’s a simple fact. I still haven’t decided if it is a blessing or a curse, but it is what it is. I honestly cannot help overly caring. I care so much, that I put myself in terrible inconveniences and damaging emotional states. I worry myself sick and overwork for the sake of others. I kind of feel like it comes off like I am bragging when I say this, but that is not my intention. I just simply care too much for others. For almost twenty years, I have let this care for others dominate my own well-being. However, 2017 is the year that I make that stop.
I have decided that my New Year’s Resolution will be to stop putting others before myself, and removing people from my life that are bringing me down. In the past, I have continued to care about those that betray me time after time. Each time they come back, I accept their apology, forgive and move on. I have decided that it is time for me to stop allowing that to happen.
I allowed myself to have a little trial run of this resolution over the break. After giving dozens of second chances to several people in my life, I finally decided to ignore what my heart is telling me and move on. Although I still care for them and wish them nothing but the best, I can no longer keep supporting and helping them, only to consistently be betrayed in return. By cutting them off completely, I have found myself becoming so much more positive. I am able to find the good in people so much easier. I wake up happier in the mornings, and am no longer drug down by so many negative influences. I can focus on myself, rather than wading through drama, solving problems that do not affect me, and bending over backwards for those who would not do the same for me. It has allowed me to spend more time helping those who truly deserve my help, most importantly, myself.
This past month has already allowed me to better learn to love myself. By making the choice to remove certain people in my life, I have proven to myself that I respect myself enough not to be walked all over. I have told myself that I deserve better. It has been such an exercise of self-love to put myself first.
I have also found it easier to ignore requests from people that I cannot handle. Instead of hurting myself trying to accomplish things not in my ability for others, I am able to accept that I cannot do everything, and prioritize my own responsibilities. I am now capable of turning away those that disrespect me and put me down. I can recognize when their friendship is sinking me lower rather than bringing me up, and can then distance myself from that.
This year, I hope to be able to make this trial run a new policy in my life. I still fully plan on caring as much as I always have; there is no way around that. However, I will not let this care for others outweigh my care for myself. I intend to surround myself with those that can be a positive influence in my life. I hope to fill my life with love and support this year.